Wednesday, September 7, 2011

It all started innocently enough ....

A frequent and devoted reader (one of the 8) sent a comment asking about a Dr Codfish T Shirt he had seen me wearing in a photo on the blog.  I was surprised to get that comment on that blog post because it also featured a very special piece of bicycle equipment, and a local rando celebrity.  By the way, I have discovered that there are limits to the comfort that can be derived from a green Brooks Team Pro saddle:  No matter how much you love it, you just can’t get a good night’s sleep with one of these things tucked under your pillow. 
Anyway back to matters at hand:  I let the devoted fan know that like Rapha, Assos, and Hincapie Apparel, Team Codfish garb is destined to be carried at the more tony retailers worldwide.  However, unlike those fashion followers, the Team Dr C line has not yet made it to the front of the house; we’re still ‘in negotiations’. 
Actually, … I thought it would be fun to see if I could use the logo graphics to cook up a few items at Cafepress for local consumption.  My wife and I had some fun with it:  I got a couple very expensive T-shirts, and some neat stickers which I have handed around to the chosen few for favors rendered.  And then when Christmas came around I found a few logo branded items under the tree.  In response to the T Shirt inquiry I had to let devoted reader number 7 know that these things are priced like Armani, but crafted like the Humptulips 10K Fun Run Finishers Tee.  Not bad, just not sure they are $30.00 quality.  (I'm not saying Tee's are out, if you want one let me know, I'll give you a quote and can get it for you if you accept the price)  Too bad too, I love the idea of Dr C Tee’s popping up  in all the après rando ride photos.  Another case of world domination derailed thanks to the selfish intentions of a greedy intermediary (sound familiar?)
Cafepress is an easy way to get small runs (including a 'run' of 1)of common items  emblazoned with your custom graphics.  It’s the typical stuff; ball caps, T-shirts, coffee mugs, thong panties, water bottles, etc.  Wait a minute! Water bottles?  So I clicked through the ocean of junk priceless treasures that ”you too can have memorialized with your custom graphics” and there it was:  An actual water bottle just like we all carry in our bottle cages while out riding.  The good news was that getting the logo graphic scaled and placed on the bottle was very easy. 

Maybe a little too easy.  I think this company has figured out that people are willing anxious to pay 3 or 4 times what an item is worth  … if it is personalized, and it's easy.  The bad news is if I wanted to buy one (or 11 or less) it was going to cost me $11.00…. EACH. There are of course considerable volume discounts (these people maybe have been doing this for awhile):

Items   1-11     12-35     36-71    72-199 
Price   $11.00   $6.30    $5.95     $5.60

And so on and so forth.  Now I would probably buy a couple of these for $11.00 but I got to thinking:  If I could hornswoggle allow those 8 devoted readers to participate in this marketingpalooza I we could get those fantastic, one of a kind, one time only bottles for the amazingly low price of only $6.50 each. 
Now, if I were doing this for a charitable cause, you‘d be shocked to find yourself upside down right now as you are reading this while I vigorously shake the coins from your pockets.  Believe me, I know how to raise money.  But in this case there really is no social redeeming value in this effort so it borders on cheesy, and while I am partial to Velveeta (cave aged), I want to do everything I can to protect the pristine reputation of Codfish Reporting And Publishing (CRAP) Limited.  So here is the disclaimer:
  1. I’ve never actually held one of these bottles in my hand, so I have to take Cafépress at their word that they are made of actual virgin plastic and not papier-mâché. 
  2. CRAP is making 100% Zero profit on this massive undertaking.  
  3. There is no guarantee, express or implied, and
  4. CRAP accepts no liability for any injury of mishap when using these fabulous bottles.   
If you want one I can guarantee that the bottle itself will cost you no more than $6.50, plus postage if I have to mail it to you.  Don’t worry about payment, we can work that out if and when you decide you want ’in’. 

This sound sketchy enough for you?  Good, it could be risky but just like a mortgage backed security; this opportunity is not likely to come along again anytime soon. 
Act now, operators are standing by to take your call.  Actually, we had to donwsize the operators, but you can send me a note on Facebook or an email to pjinoakvilleATcomcastDOTcom.   (Someday spambots are going to wise up to this cyber pig Latin and when they do we’ll all be getting offers for vinyl siding and discount Viagra).  Let’s say you have until Friday night Sept 9 by 9:00pm PDT to let me know how many you want.      
If this takes off as I think it is going to (remember, Christmas, Diwali, and Rwagasore Day are just around the corner) it is entirely likely that CRAP will be debuting the complete line of Dr C Team kit in the spring (look out you scruffy Rapha ‘gentlemen’!)  Pink is obviously out, but maybe BDU camo.  We could even jazz it up with the addition of some totally new and unique custom graphics: how about fire breathing dragons, some sinister snarling skulls, or even, ... wait for it... lightning bolts!  The possibilities are only limited by what we can copy from the window displays down at the mall goth gear shops.
DON’T WAIT!  ACT NOW!  OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY TO TAKE YOUR CALL! ...... er, send me a note.

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