Tuesday, September 23, 2008

If You Can't Beat 'em, Buy 'em!

Special from:
Codfish Reporting And Publishing news network

CRAP news has just learned that in an effort to overcome resistance to his entry in the 2009 edition of the Tour de France Mr. Lance Armstrong is attempting to buy it. (the Tour de France).

Sensing that there would be resistance to his participation on the part of the organizing body to allow his entry, and realizing that in order to participate he would have to be a member of a qualifying team, Mr. Armstrong is reported to have come to the conclusion that the easy solution is to just buy the event outright. In that way he would have considerable ‘leverage’ in his efforts to convince the event organizers that he should be allowed to participate. In fact, as the owner of the event, he could appoint, hire, delegate, or otherwise select the individuals who would make the selections for inclusion in the event. CRAP news will continue to follow the story and post updates as more becomes known.

Sounds crazy, yes?

It would make a great April fools joke, or a Enquirer headline, just under the “Britney mates with two headed alien” story, except that it might seem just a little too far fetched, a little too over the top. And I’m not clever enough to make this stuff up. So the only way this could get any ink here is if some ‘credible‘news source were to put this story out on the wire. Here’s the link:


When I posted earlier about Lance Armstrong’s return to procycling recently I bemoaned the risk to his image, and the thought that others might be gunning for him. This possible development seems to neatly eliminate any of these concerns. How could anyone think that there might be something fishy if the owner of the event were to be riding in the event and just happened to win it? And of course any riders who might be seen to challenge him on the road could easily be dealt with.

Oh, and as for that run for the governorship of Texas in 2012? Why bother with an election, why not just buy the state?

1 comment:

  1. With that kind of power, there will be no stopping the blonde-dozer! Lock up your daughters!